I’ve been working on typing out the story of our unexpected event. I hoped to sit down today and finish it, but I just can’t.

I guess journeying this in this space is going to require me to at times be honest from a place that I just don’t understand.

This all sounds hugely dramatic, and on the surface, it isn’t. But it sure feels that way to me. And I’m learning that just because there are bigger and badder things going on around you, that doesn’t diminish your own struggle or feelings.

So today I’m just going to share my feelings.

And I feel ticked off.

Some of the anger I understand. Other of it I have no idea where it’s coming from. But I’m angry nonetheless.

Angry at my past…angry at my present.

I feel abandoned. I feel used. I feel like I’m not valued.

These feelings don’t represent truth, feelings can be deceiving. But it is the way my body, mind, and soul are wanting to react to my circumstance.

I know truth. I know there is a God that is bigger than everything going on around me. I know that part of the problem is I am focusing too much on myself.

But when you are hurting it is really hard to focus on anything else!!

This is not the way I want this journey to go. But I am a firm believer that if I invite you into the good stuff, I need to be honest about the yuck.

And it is a yuck day today. But a better day is coming…this I know.

Part of having faith in Yahweh is looking back in my life and seeing His steadfastness. And I do.

And that is what gives me hope.

I have hope. Not hope that things will ever look the way I want them to.

Instead it's hope that all my circumstances are first passing through the grasp of a good and loving God…and it will all, one day, be for my good and His glory.

So today, I soak in this prayer….

“Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.” Psalm 90:14

And I also walk in the knowledge that in sharing the brokenness of my own journey He will display His grace and power.....

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

2 Corinthians 12:9-10