Mid February I was talking on the phone with my dad and he told me about some changes in his health that indicated he was most likely in the final season of his life.

We had a good conversation about what that meant for him, how he felt about it, and how soon it might come.

I spent that night trying to think through our conversation, and I just remember the pain in my throat and chest at trying to imagine a life without him.

The next morning, pen in hand, I wrote the following poem. It was one of those writings that started off with me expressing how I felt to my Lord and ended with Him expressing His faithfulness to me.

2/24/2023...my journal

It's so easy for me to get caught up in this world,

When the sorrow and pain feel like they were hurled

From a place far away, distant and unknown.

Thrown at me by someone who doesn't hear my groan.

The pain travels from my throat, my body, it might break,

Each breath I take in just feeds my heartache.

Every fiber of my being wants to take off and run,

Until i'm absolutely certain this season is done.

When my God whispers gently into my ear,

"Stay, don't go, you need to be here."

"Let me tenderly love you as you fall apart,

I hear your groans and the beat of your heart."

"Stay here in the moment, through all of the pain,

You don't understand now, but you need to remain.

I'll hold you and comfort you, I'll get you through,

Just staying in this moment is all you need to do."

"I know the outcome and I know where you've stood,

And though it is painful, I promise you good.

I'll tenderly be there for each step you must take,

And I'll make beauty from ashes when your heart does break."

My dad died a month and a half later on April 7th...Good Friday.