When Pain Makes it Hard to Focus...

I, however, am not.

I have been struggling lately.

I have been struggling with an aging body and eyes. I have reading glasses, but they seem to work less and less. I have arthritis in what feels like every joint in my body.

And frankly, many days, I just hurt.

I have had to stop doing some of the things I really enjoy doing over the past several months and that makes me frustrated and sad. I have gone for physical therapy and occupational therapy and am now to the point that I just go back in when I encounter something new that I can’t do and they will help me learn to adapt.

Do you want honesty?

I don't want to adapt. I want to stop hurting. Being in chronic pain is so tiring and frankly, it also messes with my mind.

So maybe you can see why this verse stuck in my head?!!

As I was writing about that desire in my journal, another verse caught my eye….”And there has not arisen since in Israel like Moses, whom the Lord knew face to face.” Deuteronomy 34:10

And I was struck by the question…Do I desire the greater thing?

First, is there anything wrong with my desire to be physically healthy and active…no! Not at all.

God gave me this body and has given me authority over it. It is important for me to care for it and desire the best.

But when my desire for health, a pain free existence, and longevity is stronger than my desire to know God, I run into a problem.

When my highest desire is for anything other than Him, I have a problem.

Call it a mixed up focus, choosing the lesser thing, messed up priorities, or worshipping the gift over the giver…call it whatever you want. But when it comes down to it, it is idolatry.

What I recognized today in my reading isn’t necessarily that I have made my health and well-being an idol, but I think I see now that I certainly could. And I could do it so easily that I wouldn't even notice it.

So today my eyes were open to a new reality due to just being where I am in life. A new temptation.

My body is breaking down. It's just part of the process of life. And it can be a struggle.

Maybe one that you can identify with?

What I know to do is to continue to ask God to heal my pain, but I need also to make sure I ask with just as much fervor that He help me to know Him more and more…even if it is through my pain. And that He help me to always choose the greater thing.

And may I walk into this season where instead of dwelling on the breakdown of my physical body, I use the temporary suffering of the season to remind me of a God who is good and who has a beautiful plan for me that continues when this life is over.

And I am encouraged today because even the desire to know Him more is a reminder that He isn’t finished with me yet!